


Let the Light Back In

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e13 Magnum Opus, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Minor Character Death, Multi, Post-Episode: s08e12 Zugzwang, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24824398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: “Emily.” Morgan’s voice sounded weird, but JJ’s voice sounded even worse, and Emily was instantly on edge. “Have you talked to Reid lately?”“A few weeks ago, why?” She gasped. “Did he finally tell you guys about that girl he’s seeing? I kept telling him to, but he seemed really shy about it.” She knew Reid had been hesitant to tell the others; she wasn’t sure why, but she hadn’t spilled his secrets all the same.“Emily…” Morgan was using that tone he only used when delivering really bad news, and Prentiss gripped her phone tighter. “She died.”---After Maeve's death, Reid isn't coping well. The BAU recruits some help from an old friend.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Maeve Donovan & Spencer Reid, Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 10
Kudos: 208





	Let the Light Back In

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of this fic, there's a little longer than two weeks in between 8x12 and 8x13.

_Earlier..._

They were sitting in front of Emily’s favorite tea shop. 

She’d spent the past few days showing Spencer around the city, taking him to the British Museum, Westminster Abbey, and all her favorite spots in the city. She’d even pulled a few strings to give him two hours with Oxford’s heavily guarded restricted research collections. The look of wonder on his face was well worth it. 

They had just come from her office; she gave him the tour and let him discreetly glance at some of the juicier cases she was working on. It paid off; he cracked one of them almost instantly and she remembered just how much she’d missed him.

She watched him sip his tea. “So, boy genius, is London everything you hoped for?” 

Reid laughed. “It’s a beautiful city. Thanks for letting me come visit.” He was wearing that shy, sheepish look of his, and even as she shook her head, she felt her heart swell. 

“Hey, I didn’t let you do anything. But I’m glad you could come- the BAU’s been keeping you pretty busy, huh?” She chuckled softly.

“Yeah, it’s been kind of crazy. We’ve had some pretty weird cases the past few months- you would have loved it.” 

He was smiling, but there was something about him that seemed… off. He looked nervous and jittery, like there was something on his mind that he didn’t quite know how to say. His leg was bouncing up and down the way it sometimes did when he got antsy. 

“Hey, Reid?” Emily frowned at him. “Everything okay? You seem nervous.” 

He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a breathy laugh. “Yeah… Yeah, actually everything’s better than okay.” His voice was soft, and he stared at her across the table. “I just- I think I want to tell you something.”

“Oh? What’s going on?” He didn’t seem like he had bad news to share, but she was nervous just the same. “Did you get another PhD since I’ve been gone?” 

He laughed again. “No. But I… I met someone.” His voice was quiet, his chin tucked inward and a shy smile on his face as he spoke. 

Emily smiled wider than she had in weeks, and she practically squealed as she grabbed his hands. She gasped, “Spencer! That’s amazing! Tell me everything- what’s she like?”

He was still wearing that small smile, and his cheeks turned pink at her reaction. “Her name’s Maeve. She’s a geneticist.” His smile was growing, and she felt her heart swell at the sight. _Love suits him._ “I reached out to her about my headaches, and then we started talking. She’s… special.” 

“Look at you, tiger,” she smirked. “I’m really happy for you. I bet Morgan was over the moon when he found out.” 

He flushed a deeper red, running a hand through his hair again. “Oh, well. Actually, the others… don’t know.” 

Emily frowned. “You haven’t told them?”

Spencer shook his head. “No. I- things are kind of. Complicated?” His eyes widened as he seemed to realize how that sounded. “I mean, things are great- things with _us_ are great, but…” He was stuttering a lot, stumbling over his words, and his face was still pink. “Outside things are complicated. Plus I’m- I’m not really ready for everyone to know.” 

He seemed happier than she’d ever seen him, and she was helpless not to smile along with him. “Well, she sounds great, Reid. Anyone who’s smart enough to give you a run for your money has to be.” 

Spencer’s smile got even bigger, if that were possible. “She _is_ great. She really is.”

* * *

_Now…_

“Morgan, hey!” Emily smiled as she picked up the phone. It had been an absolutely _grueling_ week; her team had been tracking an art thief moving through the UK and France, and they only managed to catch him the day before. She had just settled back at her desk to finish up the paperwork when her cell rang. Clyde caught her eye and grimaced at her from across the room when he heard Morgan’s name, and she rolled her eyes at him. “How’s the latest remodel going? Any progress?” They’d talked the week before; Morgan had seemed excited about the latest project he was working on, and she assumed he was calling with good news. 

“Prentiss, hey, I’ve got JJ here with me.” There was something in his voice, that seemed… off? Emily couldn’t quite place it. 

“JJ! How’s Henry doing? Did you get the tea I sent last week?” JJ had fallen in love with a Southhampton brand that was incredibly hard to get in the US. 

“Emily.” Morgan’s voice sounded weird, but JJ’s voice sounded even worse, and Emily was instantly on edge. “Have you talked to Reid lately?” 

“A few weeks ago, why?” She gasped. “Did he finally tell you guys about that girl he’s seeing? I kept telling him to, but he seemed really shy about it.” She knew Reid had been hesitant to tell the others; she wasn’t sure why, but she hadn’t spilled his secrets all the same. Maybe they weren’t sure how to take the news?

“Emily…” Morgan was using that tone he only used when delivering really bad news, and Prentiss gripped her phone tighter. “She died.” 

Emily froze, her mouth opening in shock. “Oh god… oh god, I had no idea. He didn’t tell me.” She remembered the look on Reid’s face when he first told her about Maeve, sitting in front of a small cafe in south London. He’d looked unbelievably happy, and it was a look she’d never seen on him before. “How did it happen?” 

Clyde seemed to notice something was wrong, staring at Prentiss with a confused look on his face. She shook her head, waving him away, and something written on her face must have told him not to push it. 

“She was murdered.” Morgan’s voice sounded shaky. “She was killed by a stalker, right in _front of him._ ”

“Is he okay? How’s he taking it?” It was a stupid question, she knew, but she couldn’t help but ask. Her mind was frozen, struggling to process what was happening as she hurriedly packed up her stuff. 

“Emily, it’s bad.” JJ sounded like she was crying. “It’s really bad. He- he hasn’t talked to anyone for weeks. He hasn’t left his apartment. We’ve all been to check on him, but he won’t even open the door.” 

“We don’t know what to do, Prentiss. I wanna help the kid, but he’s holed up at home and trapped inside his own head.” Emily knew how much Morgan cared for Reid. They all loved him, but Spencer was like Derek’s little brother, and even through the phone, she could tell how worried he was. 

She was already making for the elevator, tears of her own trickling down her face. She knew the kinds of things that could happen if Reid was left alone and in pain for too long. Distant memories of forcing him through a Dilaudid detox popped into her head, and she shuddered, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

She took a breath, trying to control the panic and worry ripping through her. “I’m heading to the airport now. I’ll call you when I land.” 

She hung up the phone in a hurry, already running through a list of things to grab from home, and pulling up flight listings. Her screen lit up with a one-word text from JJ: _Hurry._

Blessedly, the London traffic seemed to move a little bit faster that afternoon.

* * *

It had been _two weeks._

After the funeral, the team was fussing over him, offering to stay with him and get him anything he needed. He had shaken his head, quietly muttering that he was okay, that he’d manage on his own, that he just needed time. 

In retrospect, that was the wrong choice. 

Spencer hadn’t left his apartment at all. He stopped answering calls and texts, and eventually, just stopped getting out of bed. On good days, he managed to make it to his couch, or at least the floor, before curling up into a ball as the tears started again. He was probably dehydrated, since he hadn’t eaten or drank anything for the past three days, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His apartment was a mess after he’d trashed it in a drunken stupor one night, because all of his books reminded him of Maeve and he needed to feel something other than the physical ache in his chest. 

He stopped answering the door after day 3. The whole team had been by to check on him since then, some more than once. Sometimes they showed up all together, and sometimes they were on their own, but they always had all the same questions that he couldn’t bring himself to answer. JJ came by every day, sometimes _begging_ him to open the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. 

Reid was curled up in a corner of his dark apartment, wearing the same bathrobe and sleep pants he had been for the past two days. He hadn’t bothered to shave for a week, and the messy stubble made him look even more disheveled. He thought he might have been here all night, but sleep still refused to come to him and his brain was so hazy that he couldn’t remember. He hated that he was upsetting the team, that he was letting them down because he couldn’t pull himself together, but his entire world had faded to black the minute that gunshot went off, and it seemed like nothing mattered anymore. The guilt, misery, and self-loathing made a bitter cocktail as they burned through him. _I don’t deserve them. I’m a_ failure, _I let Maeve down, I let everyone down, I-_

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He opened his bleary eyes, dimly aware of the sun stubbornly peeking through his closed blinds. _Must be morning, then._ Every morning without fail, there was always a knock at his door. It’d become almost ritual to ignore it, then go back to staring slack-jawed at the wall for the rest of the day. He’d stopped keeping track of the time some time after he’d dismissed his friends. 

_It’s gotta be Morgan._ It had been a while since Derek had come by, and the last time he was here he threatened to kick the door down if Spencer didn’t at least give him a sign he was still alive. 

“...Reid? Are you in there?” 

He sat bolt upright, his eyes wide. He was suddenly wide awake. _Was that…? No. No it can’t be, she_ left, _she’s in London_ _and now I’m hearing things._ The lack of sustenance must have finally got to him. 

“Spencer? Come on Reid, open up please?” 

_That_ made him stumble to his feet, clumsily making his way to the front door. Maybe he had finally lost his mind, driven mad by grief and malnutrition, but that was a voice he hadn’t heard in weeks and he had to know if it was really her.

Reid unlocked the deadbolt with shaky hands. He knew he must look like a wreck, like someone had put him through a blender on the highest settings, but when he opened the door and saw Emily Prentiss standing on the other side, he found he no longer cared. 

Dimly, he noticed JJ and Derek standing on either side of her, wearing identical smiles, but his wide, shining eyes were glued to Prentiss’ face. “Emily?” His voice was wavering, and the ever-present lump in his throat was back. “Are you-” He swallowed thickly. “Are you really here?” He’d spent too many nights dreaming of Maeve, only to wake up and have to face the painful reality again. For his mind to play the same tricks while he was awake would be cruelty of the worst kind. 

He watched her face fall, her eyes shining as she reached to grip his hands in hers. His wide eyes searched her face, a silent plea in them as his lower lip trembled. What he was pleading for, he didn’t know, but she squeezed his hands as she gave him a small smile. 

“Hey, kiddo.” And then she pulled him to her, her arms gripping him tighter than he thought possible. “I came as soon as I heard.” It was a whisper in his ear, but it was enough to break the dam. He hugged her back, burying his head in her shoulder as he let out a small whimper. Yet another wave of tears streamed down his face as Prentiss stroked his hair. He felt himself moving, suddenly, as Prentiss walked them both into his apartment without letting go of him. His knees were shaking, and he was crying harder now, because he missed Maeve, but he’d missed Emily too, and because he felt lighter than he had in weeks now that she was here.

Reid felt his knees hit the back of his couch, his face still burrowed into Emily’s neck and his sobs growing louder. He was vaguely aware of a low _thud_ , and he assumed that JJ and Morgan had closed the apartment door, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was that Emily cared enough to come back for him, that she was willing to drop everything to let him cry on her shoulder. He didn’t deserve that, he wasn’t _worth_ that, but somehow she still thought he was, and the thought brought a spark of warmth to his icy, broken heart. 

Prentiss was murmuring in his ear, offering low whispers of “it’s okay, Reid, I’ve got you, I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry.” He let out a low whine when she let him go, briefly, but she guided him until his head was resting in her lap and her hand was stroking his hair again. He was still sobbing, curling into a tiny ball on the couch and trying to make himself as small as possible. 

He struggled to speak through the tears, taking a few hiccuping breaths, because she needed to know how badly he screwed up. “I- I couldn’t _save her_ . I _couldn’t-_ I _tried,_ I tried so _hard_ -”

“I know, Spencer, I _know.”_ Emily sounded close to tears herself, and he let out another low whimper. “I know you tried, and it’s not fair, it’s _not._ It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s my _fault_ -”

He heard her suck in a breath, tilting his head up so she could look him in the eyes. “Hey.” Her voice was firm. “It was absolutely _not_ your fault, do you hear me? Don’t do that to yourself.” His face was crumbling again, because _how can it not be my fault, I was too late-_ , and she grabbed his chin before he could pull away. “None of this is on you.”

“But-” 

“No buts.” She was still forcing him to look her in the eye as his tears silently rolled down his face. “She loved you, Reid. She wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up like this. And _no one_ blames you, so please cut yourself a break? Take some deep breaths for me?” 

He managed one, because she was practically begging him, but he didn’t believe her. He _couldn’t_ believe her, not when the image of Maeve’s face in that warehouse, looking at him like he hung the moon right before he completely and utterly failed her, was burned into his brain. “I loved her so _much_ , Emily.” Because he _did_ love her _,_ he would have moved the world for her, would do anything to hear her voice one more time. “I loved her and I didn’t tell her.” 

“Spencer, she knew. Of _course_ she knew.” She was still stroking his hair, and she leaned down to press her lips to his sweaty forehead. He dimly realized he was shaking. “Can you try to sit up for me? Breathe slowly?” She was using her “soothing the victim” voice, and part of him couldn’t stand it; he felt more like an unsub than anything else.

It was a few minutes before he felt like moving, but eventually he did sit up, because Emily asked him to, and he never liked disappointing people. He managed to slow his breathing enough to realize that she had his head on her shoulder now, her arm around him. She was always good at knowing what he needed, even when he didn’t. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes as his breathing evened out. He glanced up at Prentiss to find her watching him, frowning at his trembling body. “When was the last time you ate something?”

Spencer shrugged slightly, looking down at the floor. “A while ago,” he mumbled.

Prentiss untangled herself, making sure he was steady on the couch as she got up. “Okay. Okay, Reid, I’m going to make you something. Sit tight for a minute, okay?” He glanced at the small table in his kitchen, noticing the large bags there for the first time. Prentiss saw him watching. “JJ and Morgan brought them in.” He jerked his head slightly in what might have been a nod. 

Emily returned a few minutes later with a bowl of soup. She sat on the couch next to him as he sipped it silently. He wasn’t crying anymore, and he still felt like someone had physically ripped a hole through him, but it was nice to have someone here, he had to admit. He was surprised Emily stayed, surprised she hadn’t said anything about his destroyed living room or his complete disregard for himself, but she seemed content to just sit there. 

Reid finished the soup quickly, as if his body had suddenly remembered how hungry it actually was. Wordlessly, Emily took the bowl from his still-trembling hands as he looked down at the floor again. He should say something, he knew; he hated that she had to see him like this, but even as he opened his mouth, he couldn’t find the words. 

Finally, he swallowed and tried again. “You didn’t have to come.” She would be in trouble at work, and Interpol needed her, and the flight was probably crazy expensive, and he should have been able to pull himself together by now. 

“Of course I did.” She tilted his chin up. “You’re family, Reid. And you would have done the same for me.” 

The lump in his throat was back, even though his body was utterly worn out from crying. “Thank you.” His voice was barely a whisper. 

She gave him an exasperated look. “C’mon, none of that. You don’t have to thank me for taking care of you, you know that.” 

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could. “You know we all love you, right? No matter what? And it’s going to take time, but you _will_ be okay. I know you will. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” 

He nodded wordlessly. Logically, he knew she was right, but he couldn’t believe her- not yet. He still felt like nothing would ever be okay again, not in a million years. He couldn’t bring himself to argue with her, though, not after she flew 3,662 miles to take care of him. He didn’t want her to regret it.

“Do you think you can manage to sleep for a while? You look like you’ve been awake for days.” 

The look on his face must have been a panicked one, because Emily gently guided him to lie back down until his head was resting in her lap again. She reached across to the other side of the couch, pulling a blanket over his long legs, which had curled themselves up to his chest again. “I’ll be right here, yeah? I’m not going anywhere.” The tiny part of his brain that wasn’t consumed by grief recognized the slightly British end to the first statement.

He closed his eyes as she started running her fingers through his hair again; ever since the dilaudid incident, she’d known he found that relaxing. “How long are you here?” He mumbled the words, and he wasn’t even sure she could hear him. 

She did, though. “As long as you need me.” Her other hand reached to grip his own. “Just try and sleep.” 

Spencer closed his eyes, the utter exhaustion taking over and fighting the overwhelming desire to stay awake. Emily talked to him as he started to doze off, about her colleagues and her cases, and fun facts about the UK that she knew he would like. He focused on the sound of her voice, letting it ground him to reality even as he was losing consciousness. She talked about old stories from the BAU and about the fun times that they all had together, even poking fun at some of his own antics. 

Eventually, he drifted off, feeling safe and warm and slightly less empty than he had in weeks. And for the first time, he slept peacefully, and did not dream.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW okay so season 8 has RIPPED ME APART AT THE SEAMS. Reid is so sad and I immediately came up with like, 3 different fic ideas in which the team attempts to take care of him and make him smile, and this was the first to be written. when Reid hurts I HURT TOO and I need to write him some love because the criminal minds writers hate letting Reid be happy. I hope you liked it!


End file.
